The Perks of Being a Wallflower

February 2nd, 2010

One of the scariest things you can do is put me in a room full of one hundred strangers and tell me to mingle. You probably wouldn’t guess that if you met me, but I’ve once been described by a friend as the most social anti-social person they know. I like to stand back and take in the room, observe people and eavesdrop on as many conversations as possible. That doesn’t mean I don’t like people. It’s just that I get extremely nervous, turn red and stumble over my words when people look at me. Hence my unhealthy love for Twitter.

So when Border Stylo brought me on as their Community Manager, I silently panicked, knowing that I would have to stand in a room full of strangers on multiple occasions talking about a product that was so secret that even I didn’t fully understand it. What if I shared the wrong information? What if I make a bad joke? What if I meet someone who is mean? Oh man, what if the music is too loud and no one can hear me?! The most random worries ran through my head. My knowledge has changed, but the level of panic certainly has not.

You might not believe there’s a healthy tech scene in Chicago, but there is. I felt extremely comfortable attending various networking events because I recognized many faces. There was never an awkward silence or a moment where I considered ducking out the back door. Of course, I know that if I even attempted a sly, nonchalant exit that I would trip on something, probably my own foot, and draw even more attention to myself and my bright-as-a-shiny-red-apple face.

I spoke with a friend in Chicago before attending my first LA networking event last week and he was getting ready to attend one himself. I noticed they were playing a networking scavenger hunt using business cards and, half-jokingly, made fun of the idea. Deep down I really loved the idea because I craved one of those lame ice-breaker games. If anything, I’d bond with someone over how dorky it was. His response was along the lines of “I only go there to hang out with the people I know.” At the time no red flags went up. But after thinking about it for a while, isn’t meeting new people the point of going to these networking events?

If you’re going to meet your friends, are you really networking, or are you just hanging out? Sure, if you go to enough of these events you will start to see the same people. You’ll probably start hanging out with them outside of events and form friendships. That’s great! That’s what the organizers of these events want. But that doesn’t mean you should stop networking. Right?

The first event I attended last week was nerve-wracking, but ultimately a success. I met some great people who took me under their wing and introduced me to their group of familiar faces. This helped prepare me for the second, third and fourth event. It gave me a chance to get comfortable talking about Glass to people who are tech-savvy. More importantly, I am able to recognize people’s faces because I saw them at Monday’s event. Now if I could just get over the whole “I don’t want to run up to you and ask if you’re so-and-so on Twitter because I’m bad with faces and names” thing, then I’ll be set!

The moral of the story is: Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Jump outside and play hopscotch with the risks. Do you remember the advice Curtis Armstrong gave to John Cusack in Better Off Dead?

“Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.”

It doesn’t only apply to your escape route. Move around the room. If you meet someone that you don’t click with, thank them for their conversation and move along. Don’t let one conversation prevent you from attending future events. The same message applies if you trip over your own feet, I’m sure…

I don’t have to be an aggressive networker. It’s okay to stand back and take everything in, but I won’t let myself fall into wallflower mode anymore. The best way to start getting to know people at these events is to step away from the wall and introduce myself. Before I know it, I’ll be taking someone under my wing and making the introductions.

Tagged with: networking

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Jennifer Beese

Jennifer is the Community Manager. When she’s not blogging or tweeting you can usually find her practicing stand-up comedy in front of her bathroom mirror.